Did I Marry the Right Person?

Yesterday Chris & I went on a mini-retreat for married couples. It was run by a LC priest and was a day of adoration, talks, opportunity for discussion between the spouses, and then Mass which included a renewal of the marriage vows ( "I Antonia do take you Chris to be my lawful wedding husband...etc).

One of the talks that was given was entitled "Did I Marry the Right Person?" which aroused much giggling from the audience!

Along with this talk we got a sheet which the speaker used to build the talk on, and I'd like to share it with you as food for thought & prayer. It's helpful for married people, but also to help realise before marriage that choosing the 'right' person is only half the deal for a happy future together. This is because you can't find lasting love...you have to MAKE it.

So pre-marriage is a wonderful time to learn to love God, and to uproot some of our deep sinful inclinations, so that if we get married, we will be more ready to be better spouse.
Choosing someone who is willing to self-sacrifice and cooperate together with us is pretty important. and (in my humble opinion) especially someone who is also Catholic -- spouses are supposed to help each other get to Heaven, and it's pretty difficult for your spouse to do that if they don't believe in Heaven, or don't believe in the ways God has given us to get to Heaven (the Sacraments especially).


anyway,

"Did I marry the right person?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed there was a large man sitting next to her so I said "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer:

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning you feel in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why they call it "falling" in love...because it's happening to you.

Falling in love is easy; it's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of every relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

At this point you and/or your spouse might start to ask "Did I marry the right person?". And as you and your spouse relflect on the euphoria of love that you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someine else. This is when marriage breaks down. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious, but sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, friendship, excessive tv or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside the marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

and TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later on. This is because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT IN FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labour of love".
Because it takes time, effort and energy. and most importantly it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there as physical laws of the universe, there are also laws for relationships. Just as diet and exercise programs make you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love last.

Love in mariage is indeed a decision....not just a feeling.