Sex outside of marriage

As I haven't posted about sex before marriage for a while (see last post on it), here is a snippet from an email conversation I am having with a friend:

My faith teaches that, just as language is meant to convey truth, and telling lies is an abuse of language, the 'language' of the body is also meant to convery truth.

Sex is 'body language'; you are physically unifing yourself with one other person. There is nothing more, physically, that 2 people can give one another. It is a total giving of yourself to another person. And in turn, the other person gives themselves to you.

It's not just meaningless actions; you are speaking with your body, saying "I am yours freely, totally and faithfully".

So it is a body language between two people, and is meant to physically express something true between those two people.

That 'something true' is the state of their relationship.

The body language between two people is a reflection of the relationship between those two people. This is true in every interaction of our lives, and likewise is true for sex.

That means that two people can only authentically express physical 'free, total and faithful' love (i.e. sex), in a context in which the two people involved have a relationship in which they are freely, totally and faithfully commited to each other in a life-long union.

This can only be marriage.

The bond of marriage is invisible, but sexual intercourse is the real and physical expression of that bond. So sex is the language of the marriage bond, the language of the wedding vows. It is where the words of the wedding vows become flesh.

I truthfully believe that sex outside of marriage doesn't do sex any justice. If your body is saying, "I give myself totally, faithfully and freely to you", but your relationship state with the other person doesn't say the same thing; then the sex is, essentially, a lie. It isn't authentic. The sex is LESS that what it is meant to
be, and is just a cheap counterfeit for what our hearts truly desire. Why choose a faint shadow of something, when we can have the actual thing, which is incomparably superior?

Sex is meant to be an inreadibly glorious act, physically expressing a love between two people who are bonded together in a life-long martial union. Each person giving their whole entire selves; both physically and in every other aspect of their lives, to the other person.

To me, the thought of that is so breath-taking! And that is one reason why I have never had sex before marriage, because it wouldn't be what it is meant to be, and I know it would leave me feeling empty.
(added: In addition to the teachings of Sacred Scripture, which I didn't mention to her as she wouldn't accept that as convincing anyway)

So that is why I am sorry that you had the sexual experiences, because I really care so genuinely for you and I want only the very very absolute best for you! ...and I know that it wasn't the best, because the sex wasn't an authentic expression of your relationship with him...because you aren't married to each other.

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This conversation could be supplemented to explain why artificiail contractption invalidates the authenticity of the marital union;

As sex is meant to be the full gift of self in an imitation of Christ's full gift of self to His Church, then anything which stops the full giving of self from one spouse to another (ie artificial contraception) twists the act into something unmarital; and not what it is meant to be. Self giving becomes self taking.

(In addition, one could discuss how the intentional and direct separation of two things God Himself has united (sex & babies) directly contradicts His command; "What God has joined, let no man separate". )

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