Chastity..

Along with the lies of artificial contraception and the purity and power of Natural Family Planning, chastity is one of the areas that I could talk about all day if given the chance!

Did you know that over 20 scientific studies have shown that Natural Family Planning has, contrary to popular belief, a 99% rate of preventing pregnancies?
It is such an outrage that popular medicine is so insulting women, the family and society with all their spew about artificial contraception which is physically, biologically, emotionally and spiritually damaging to all who engage in it.

pah!

anyway, a rant about contraception will have to be saved for another day, because today I want to talk about chastity. The other day a friend confided in me that he is a bit worried because he has never had sex with the girl he thinks he might want to marry, and so how can be *possibly* know how 'compatible' they are together..?

This notion that people *have* to have sex before marriage as a way of testing their love, is very ridiculous and based on false ideas about what love and sex are.

While flicking through tv in Italy last summer, I saw a chat show where the topic of discussion was; "Is it possible to have love without sex?" (referring to before marriage)

I almost choked on my tea!! A better question might've been; "Before Marriage: Is it possible to know you are TRULY in love WITH sex?"

Needless to say I boycotted the chat-show!

So anyway, sex before marriage. Is it 'needed' to test out your compatibility for marriage or your strength as a couple?

First of all, what is sex?

Sex is an expression of 2 people's love for one another.

Sex does not equal love. and nor does it define love. It is an expression of love.

There is nothing more, physically, that 2 people can give one another. It is a total giving of yourself to another person. Just as Christ gave Himself fully to HIS bride, the Church, by dying on the cross and not holding back anything that was His on earth (i.e His own life or even His mother), spouses imitate this in a mini-version when they engage in intercourse.
(incidentally, this is another reason (of many) why artificial contraception is morally wrong; because instead of intercourse being fully and purely self-giving, it becomes sterilised as you are holding back from your spouse something that is a intrinsically part of you as a human (namely your fertility) and thus the act becomes purposefully self-taking and akin to mutual masturbation.)

So, because sex is an expression of love which is totally self-giving, it is only appropriate in a context in which the 2 people involved have totally given themselves to one another.
That is, marriage.

Two people who aren't married have not made this commitment to one another. They have not been joined before God and His Church, they are not one.
Therefore, it is inappropriate for them to express a love that flows out of total unity with one another, when they are not unified.


So sex will not make two people compatible for marriage. If you can't stand the person, then no amount of sex will change that. I mean, that simple fact doesn't get more obvious than in today's world. Take a glance around...S-E-X everywhere. You cant get away from it. How horrendous! How skewed! Today's perspective of what 'sex' is couldn't be further from the truth.

In my own experiences in life, those couples who are happiest, most devoted to each other, more respectful and loving towards each other, are those who didn't have sex before marriage.

Those who are unhappy, having affairs, who divorce, are those who did (and who did with multiple people).

So how do you know if you are compatible with someone for marriage ?

Well, very simply....SPENDING TIME WITH THEM!

Enjoying their company! Doing activities together! Talking together about everything from the most superficial to the most profound! Praying together! Going on retreats! Group events! Parties! Cinema! Dinner! General hanging out!

If you can't wait to see someone because you love their company, they make you laugh, you have a great time together, and you love who they are as a person...then you are in love with them! Sex will not show you that!
Sex will then be (in marriage) an expression of that love!

If you can't wait to see a person because you want to have sex with them, but then hope they will leave as soon as possible because they annoy you....then what does that show?!

If anything, I think sex before marriage can totally cloud your judgement, and actually question how much you love THEM, as oppose to just the physical side of your relationship.

The physical gratification will never (and can never) overpower emotional true love. It might temporarily be more of a motivating factor, but it will never overpower it in the end. If you think about it, you will see how true it is.
People who are fundamentally unhappy will try everything to bring themselves transient happiness....sex...drugs...money....but none of that is capable of changing the fundamental underlying feelings of loneliness, being un-loved etc etc.

Loving someone genuinely because of who they are as a person is more powerful than anything physical. Sex expresses that, it doesn't make it or test it.

So for those who aren't married, chastity is the only option and it is certainly the best option. Don't accept anything less than the best, which is what sex outside of marriage is (and what sex inside marriage using artificial contraception is).
Don't accept a shadow of true beauty, or a false imitation of true love.


And for those who say it is impossible....it's not! I (and many of my contemporaries) are living witnesses! Chris & I have been going out chastely for 2.5 years and I love him more dearly than anyone ever and we spend time together every single day as well!

God will always give graces to help us live our lives in most perfect conformance to His will, and so pray for the grace to live chastely. It is a beautiful path and one that will lead to true love.

Mary, most pure and chaste - pray for us!
St. Joseph, chaste father of the Son of God - pray for us!
St. Maria Goretti - you died for love of chastity and purity - pray for us!